Who gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?

torresmiss.jpgFriend, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears…

Henceforth, the Blue Hordes migrated yonder cross thy Park of Stanley to our hallowed ground, Anfield. Thyne mass, 4,000 strong beplagued our noble home with an accursed presence. As I had afeared, the songs they hast sung were as grimy as they were facinorus.

The gladiators were fielded and as the battle commenced, our noble forces moved forth, striking hard into the heart of the be-moiled opposition. Alas, our efforts were to be in vain. In minute the 27th, the defence was shattered as the bully-rook Joleon Lescott hath flicked on a kick from the corner past the flailing Pepe Reina. Hearts sunk low as the scrolyes celebrated. The remainder of the half of play was a tepid affair, filed with fouls and passes gone astray. The portance of the swine became more parlous as the whistle approached.

The parle at the break was grim indeed. The vantage of the travelling mob weighed hard upon the minds of the noble Redmen as the emulation of their blood-boltered brethren echoed around the stadia. Rumours swirled of the botched plan and the bafflement of their leader who had been prophesised to lead them to glory.

When affairs hath resumed, the ends would now justify the means. A gaze, falsing pass played by the one they call El Ninõ set free Steven Gerrard from the shackles of the defence which had once contained him. With a pashed drive, the ball was thrust past the diving Tim Howard and the wrongs of the previous half of play were righted once more. The graboil that came from the whitsers was never before seen by the swine across the park as they had now fell predictably silent. The subject of their vitrol hath struck a mighty blow to thyne cause.

The drollery that ensued was drole indeed. The Redmen surged forward wannion, windring runs and wistful chances went begging as joy turned to portable acceptance of the outcome. Our valiant defence forbode any further chances by the disdainful opposition as they foreslow the match. Our warriors forespent, a trip in a fortnight to the chamber pot of Goodison Park is now on the cards. Another battle to be won and yet another chance for our honour to be avenged.


Steven McMillan

Can’t find up from down or tell black from white, but doesn't care cause it’s all Red to him. When he's not pissing and moaning about all things Liverpool, he’s chatting nonsense with his multiple personalities — or his “entourage” as he likes to call them.

  • CSD

    Our form was bound to dip at some point. Hopefully, it’ll come up soon. That was a crazy ass pass from Torres though. I’ll be attempting to recreate that Tuesday, which means I’ll be injured Wednesday.

  • that was absolutely mind bending .. if i attempted that, i would fall on my ass .. fall hard ..

  • Martin

    I’ve seen those English dramas, too. They’re cruel.