Flushing Away the Turds at the Old Toilet

I sometimes do lots and lots of poop jokes. When the mood sets in, it’s hard not to just go all out on all the poop one can muster.
I was criticised for doing another post with lots of poop jokes, the cry was all about immaturity and a lack creativity. Both things are true.


But, in my defence, I have gone without sleep for 31 hours now, thanks to a late kick-off and the unbearable time zones that separate the East Coast of Australia and Britain. Imagine, going to work, coming home, doing your nightly chores, then staying up to 2:30am to watch what was on display last night. Finish up around 4:30am, fuming, unable to get to sleep, hearing the alarm clock go off before you’ve had a chance to shut your eyes and then getting ready to go to work again, knowing full well that while the rest of humanity is experiencing a lazy Sunday, I am expected to perform at a somewhat passable level, all the while thinking about the fact that by the time I actually get to sleep again, it’ll be 43 hours since the last time I experienced the kind of tranquillity that only sleep can provide.

That is what it is like to be a Liverpool supporter living in Sydney. And we put ourselves through this madness because its Liverpool and we are at the very least expected to compete for some kind of honours. But then you put yourself through all that madness and you are dished up a cold hard turd that can only be described as a the type of thing one finds not only hard to push out, but to then flush away because of the sheer magnitude of the thing.

Liverpool were largely nothing but an abysmal poop joke throughout that match and the blame, once again lays firmly at the feet of our manager.

I made a call after watching that match, one that I can promise you I am never quick to make because I tend to be the most optimistic bastard around when it comes to Liverpool, but that felt like the end of our season.

5 matches in and I find it incredibly hard to see a way back from this.

The performances have gotten worse as the season has progressed.

Rodgers continues to make the same downright stupid decisions he’s made for the last 18 months, which have left all Liverpool fans wondering “WHY?!”

How can you pick Firmino and Ings and still leave Benteke basically isolated? Well the answer is, you basically play a 4-5-1 with Ings and Firmino playing on the wings doing defensive work that they really should not be expected to do because it detracts from what we would like to do going forward. Ings can run for days it seems, but winning the ball back at our left back position means that when he gets to do something with it, he’s got 50 yards of enemy territory to get through before Benteke is brought into play. Same goes with Firmino.

Gomez at LB once again, not his fault, has now arguably cost us 5 points in the last 2 matches. Which is a burden he should never have to carry.

Skrtel and Lovren are just about the worst defensive pairing I have ever seen and it is damning that Sakho still can not get into this side. Damn it, stick him in and kick Skrtel to the bench if you love your Lovren so much Brendan, just make this stop!

Benteke, a great great centre forward, one that almost if you look hard enough, takes us back to the glory days of Torres. And yet he is left to fend for himself against half the opposition every time he gets the ball. Long balls to his throat is not what he signed up for. It is not what we expected to see when we were told he would fit out system, but the fact that we do not have a system basically means that’s all he’s ever going to get.

But all of that you can just about cop, if we are now sitting on 10 points from 15. West Ham at home has tarnished everything and this match became a must win for us to be somewhat respectable going into the next round of matches. We aren’t sitting on 10/15, we are now sitting at 7/15 and given the way we have performed against the bottom half teams over the last 18 months, can anyone genuinely say we are going to finish with 13/21 after Norwich and Aston Villa come and go?

Now think about the world where we get 2 points out of those next two fixtures, we are talking about 9/21 or an incredible 1.28 points per game, which equates to, 48 points over the course of this season. Is it too early to be going down this path? Maybe, but can anyone tell me what we have seen from this current set-up that indicates our average per game should be higher than the 1.28 we are looking at or the 1.4 points per game we are currently sitting on, which, by the way gets us to 53 points over the course of a season?

This is not about our results, it is about the absolutely poop we have been dished up, especially in a game against United, one we should at the very least be ‘up’ for.

I am tired, I am hungry, I have lots of anger at the minute and I can not make it go away, because I am tired and I am hungry.

Unlike Brendan, I can solve one of my problems by finally eating breakfast, the tired bit, though, I am just going to have to live with that until I no longer need to live with it, which reminds me strangely enough of Rodgers.

Neboneid H

I write mostly long winded metaphors and hard to comprehend similes but once you get to know me, you'll probably invite me to your wedding. Plus I do Dad Jokes, lots and lots of dad jokes.

9 thoughts on “Flushing Away the Turds at the Old Toilet

  • September 13, 2015 at 3:36 am

    Well said,I’m also a fan from Australia,in Melbourne who stays up to watch there beloved Liverpool team,put in a pathetic performance that questions my reasons for staying up late at all.FSG if you have any compassion for Liverpool fans around the world,than you will sack B.R and give hope back to the fans again.Because all hope is gone while he’s still in charge of our team.YNWA

  • September 13, 2015 at 3:45 am

    I am living in Sydney as well,and yes that is the routine going to bed at 04.30am and not being able to sleep after another horror show.

  • September 13, 2015 at 4:41 am

    Just take stock of the frustration a mediocre manager is creating amongst fans FSG? you who are keen about your business, do you think its good marketing? please replace him with Klopp ASAP!!!!

  • September 13, 2015 at 5:37 am

    Bodgers is a fraud and a clown I bet you if you checked his pocket you’d find a massive unending hanky.

  • September 13, 2015 at 7:52 am

    It only looked like a 4-5-1, it was actually played as a 4-3-3, Rodgers really knows no other formation. You can send them out in what looks like a diamond, he’s still going to have them play like a 4-3-3. Why was Ings out on a wing position and not giving Benteke support? Because Rodgers is in love with the 4-3-3. Why was Firmino playing a wing, 4-3-3.

    The Arsenal match is the only one I can remember in the last couple of years where the team was prepared, and the opposition wasn’t expecting a 4-3-3. And Rodgers essentially parked the bus, and had a high press. I coach a team of 8 year olds, and they can do that.

  • September 13, 2015 at 7:56 am

    Klopp isn’t coming in. We need a top-level manager, and none of those will ever come in mid-season. Only exception I’ve ever seen do it, King Kenny, and he did it because of Loyalty, and because Roy Hodgeson sucked so bad. They want at least the summer window to bring in new talent of their own. Plus, with that transfer committee, why would someone like Klopp want to go there? If they fire Rodgers, they’ll either promote from within, or find someone like Harry Redknapp, a mid-table manager, who will do well enough to get another year or two, and keep us around mid-table. Face it lads, we’re screwed for the rest of the year.

  • September 13, 2015 at 10:12 am

    I’ve said this elsewhere. No matter the formation it invariably turns into a 451 by default because of the instructions the players get pre match. It needs to stop. Get two up front, use your players in their best position and stop turning everything into a pile of poo.

  • September 13, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    Copious amounts of alcohol, mate. Makes me sleep like a baby — one with SIDS mind you, but it’s blissful nonetheless.

  • September 17, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    mate i understand your situation in sydney but the ones that should not be sleeping must be those at fsg and henri because thats his business his team … every liverpool fan in the world showed frustration and came up with comments.. fsg didnt even comment on the results….. why????

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